Reports
by Durbe the Barian
Summary: Yuma's class has to do a report on great, legendary figures. But instead of going to the library to figure it out, he goes to the source!
1. Durbe

**Zexal Fanfiction**

**Reports**

**Humor**

**Yuma/Seven Barian Emperors**

**Yuma's class has to do a report on great, legendary figures. But instead of going to the library to figure it out, he goes to the source! **

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><p><strong>D.T.B: Something that just wouldn't leave me alone! XD Oh, Barian World. They're gonna kill me!<strong>

**Sirius: I'm actually going to enjoy this one. **

**Astral: Barian-san does not own Zexal or Sherlock Holmes. She's just unusual.**

**D.T.B: And FWI, none of my OCs are going to participate in this one. So the theories that I usually send your way aren't in here.**

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><p>Report 1<p>

Durbe the Knight.

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><p>"What? A report?"<p>

Durbe looked over to Yuma, confusion swirling in his bespectacled eyes, a piece of pizza in his mouth. (Alit ordered in and Durbe was hungry.) A book – one of his personal favorites, Sherlock Holmes – was resting in his hands. He'd been reading when Yuma interrupted him at the BARian.

Yuma, meanwhile, was nodding vigorously, paper in hand. "Yeah!" he exclaimed. "I've gotta do a report on really important people from history, and let's face it, you guys are perfect! So, please! Can I interview you!?"

Durbe backed away slightly. Yuma's enthusiasm for his schoolwork was unusually strong. What was up with him? "You...wish to interview the Emperors?" he asked. "But our memory is still very faulty right now."

"Just the important stuff!" Yuma said. "So come on! Please!?"

Durbe sighed. There was no getting out of it, was there?

"Alright," he said.

"Really!?" Yuma asked, smiling brightly.

Durbe set down his book. "Really," he sighed. "Just please, keep your enthusiasm to a minimum. I have no desire to go deaf as a result of this transaction."

"You got it!" Yuma said happily, throwing a reporter's cap on over his head. "Kattobingu da, ORE!"

Durbe sighed again.

This was going to be a LONG interview.

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><p>"Okay," went Yuma, licking the lead of his pencil, "first thing's first. Who was your father and mother? And what year were you born?"<p>

Durbe raised an eyebrow, but nevertheless answered the question. "Unfortunately, my memory is still muddled when it comes to the year of my birth," he said, "and the names of my parents had faded long before I was sent to Barian World."

"And why's that?" Yuma asked, trying to look professional.

"I had no parents," Durbe said. "I was raised by the village of my birth rather than a select couple."

Yuma snapped the end of his pencil. "What?" he asked.

"From what I'd been told, my parents passed away from a fever when I was still an infant," Durbe said. "I survived it, but just barely. And the village didn't want to abandon me to the wolves, so they took me under their wing and raised me."

Durbe looked at Yuma, then sweat dropped. Already, Yuma was crying up a storm. No way was he going to make it through that interview if he couldn't even handle the answer to the first question. "Um...should we stop?" Durbe asked. "You seem upset."

Yuma then quickly wiped away his tears. "No, I'm fine," he said. "Just great! Now. Next question. Where did you find Mach?"

"At the field, near my home," Durbe responded. "I had made it habit to go there to clear my mind."

"Perfect! Next question. What made you want to be a knight?"

"Because I believed it to be my calling. Same as how you found it to be your calling to duel."

"Great! And now when did you become friends with Shark?"

Durbe sighed. This was getting weird.

"I'd met him during a scouting mission I'd been sent on," Durbe said. "Mach had twisted a wing, so we had to land so I could treat it. Ryoga had seen me and offered to lend me a hand. After spending a week on the ground, we became good friends."

"Fascinating," Yuma said.

That's when the questions started getting weird.

"And what was your favorite meal?"

Durbe just had to sweat drop at that one. What?

"What does my favorite meal have to do with anything?" he asked.

"Just answer the question!" Yuma snapped, forcing Durbe to back away. Man. Yuma the reporter was scary.

"Well," went Durbe, "I can't remember. Constant battles, followed by going to the Barian World, can do that to someone."

"Very good point," Yuma said, scribbling on his notepad. "In that case, what was your favorite drink?"

Durbe slapped his head. That question? Of all questions?

Well, had to answer.

"Water," he said. Unfortunately for him, he remembered that part.

"Why water?" Yuma asked. "I figured you for a milk guy. No offense."

"None taken," Durbe responded. "I was fond of water because it was essential to my survival out on the field. That, and unlike children my age, I despised milk. I was strong for my age, but you couldn't beg me to drink that stuff."

"You hate milk?" Yuma asked in disbelief. "But you're eating pizza."

Durbe then examined the piece of food in his hand. "Yes," he agreed. "However, melted cheese is another story. It better agrees with my digestive system."

"Digeste what?" Yuma asked.

"Never mind," Durbe chuckled.

"Next question! Did you have a catchphrase?"

Durbe nearly fell forward. "No," he said, suppressing the urge to scream.

"Did you have any really cool trademarks?"

"My helmet."

"Did you have any really awesome fights?"

"Never. They were all life or death situations and were in no way 'awesome.'"

"Did you ever smile for the camera?"

"We didn't have cameras back then, Yuma."

"Did you read as much as you do now?"

"Indeed."

"What was your favorite book?"

"_The Rider of the Cloudless Sky._"

"Did you like your vegetables?" ←[Yuma asked that with a sickened face.]

"Very much so."

"Were the knights who killed you your friends?"

"Well-"

"Is that why you didn't want to kill them?"

"Well-"

"Were they really cool!?"

Durbe then raised a hand. "May I ask you a question?"

"Huh? Yeah. Sure. What do you want to ask?"

Instantly, he was out of the BARian. "Will you please LEAVE ME!?" Durbe snapped, kicking him out of the bar.

Time froze.

Then Yuma got up. "Thanks for the interview, Durbe!" he called out. "You really helped me out!"

Then he left.

Meanwhile, Durbe was taking some aspirin.

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><p>Report on Durbe. Really cool Knight.<p>

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><p>Durbe was a knight who was born to a father and mother. His parents left him in a village after they went to a whole other world that we'll all eventually go to someday. He was raised by the entire village on nothing but water and veggies. He hated milk and nobody could force him to drink it. Not even dueling him could get him to drink it. And that's saying a LOT!<p>

He found his precious horse, Mach, in the middle of a field that he went to every single day. Then he became a knight, believing it to be his true calling. Complete with a really cool sword, sweet armor, and awesome trademark helmet!

All of his fights were all 'life of death situations' and were in no way 'awesome.' But they **were** incredibly cool.

He became friends with a guy called Shark after his horse, Mach, hurt his wing.

After a really big (literally 'big') jerk brainwashed his friends with a really nasty card, Durbe got badly hurt trying to protect them. Don't worry! He survived. And became a really cool warrior who protects a world in another way entirely!

And he doesn't like being asked too many questions.

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><p>Yuma showed Durbe his report as soon as it was finished. "Alright!" he said happily. "What do you think!?"<p>

Durbe simply sweat dropped. "I worry for my friends," he thought.

Then he gave it back and went to go take some more aspirin.

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><p><strong>D.T.B: I just couldn't resist! XD So, you let me know what you guys think in a review. Did I get Yuma IC? It's hard to tell sometimes. XD <strong>

**Oh, and just so you know, THANKS, MATARRA! Now I've got Durbe taking aspirin! It's all YOUR FAULT! XD**


	2. Misael

**D.T.B: Sorry for the shortness. Don't own Zexal.**

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><p>Report 2<p>

Misael the Dragon Tamer

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><p>Misael let out a terrible sigh. "Look, kid," he said, placing some of the bowls in the kitchen cabinet, "I'm not doing an interview with you."<p>

Haruto held up the notebook. "Why not?" he asked.

"Because," he answered, getting off the step stool, "my life is not one that should be spoken of aloud. Least of all to a kid."

"But it's not for me," Haruto said. "It's for Yuma. He wants to use the interview for a report for his school."

"And he sent you over here to get it?" he asked.

"Yeah," Haruto said. "If you do it, Nii-san says he'll duel you."

Misael froze. Then he looked over to Haruto, a sparkle in his eye. "Why would he agree to that?" he asked.

"Because Yuma was driving him nuts," Haruto said with a smile. "So, think I can interview you? It'll only take a minute, then I'll bring it to Yuma."

Time froze.

"Fine," he conceded, throwing himself into a chair. "Let's just get this over with."

"Yay!" Haruto exclaimed, sitting down in the opposite chair and opening the notebook. Then he proceeded to place his Reporter cap on. "Yuma said I need to wear it during the interview."

Misael could already see the problems coming.

"And he's got all the questions made up too," Haruto grinned. "You ready?"

Misael resisted the urge to sigh. "As ready as I'll ever be. So hurry up and get this over with."

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><p>Haruto read over the questions, asking them one at a time. "Okay," he drawled, "so, where did you first meet Jinlong-san?"<p>

Misael let out a growl. "In the desert, when I was a child, kid," he said. "Where did you think I found him?"

"Well, to be honest, I thought it was more like in the forest," Haruto said. "You know, like he was injured and you found him and took care of him. And he showed you how grateful he was and became your ally."

"What did Kaito read to this kid at bedtime?" Misael thought. "He's got a weirder imagination than Alit, and that's saying something."

"Okay, question two," Haruto said. "Why is your hair so long? Didn't you ever want to cut it?"

"What?!" Misael mentally growled.

Haruto, being incapable of hearing him, simply gave him those innocent eyes.

Misael turned away, then sighed. "I don't want to cut it," he said. "I like it this way. Last time I cut my hair, the dragons didn't recognize me."

Haruto laughed. "Good," he said. "I wouldn't recognize you either."

Misael twitched.

Apparently, Haruto noticed that one, as he went back to his notebook. "Question three, 'What happened to your parents?'"

At the sound of that question, Misael's heart skipped a beat.

Great.

"My parents...left when I was child, kid," Misael said. "Jinlong practically raised me."

"You mean...they died?" Haruto asked.

Misael just stared at him. "You...got that?" he asked.

Instantly, Haruto got off his chair and gave Misael a hug. "Ah!" went Misael. "G-Get off of me, Kid!"

"But I'm hugging the little boy," Haruto said softly. "You need one just as much as Nii-san does."

Misael turned away. "This kid," he thought.

"Okay," Misael said aloud, pulling Haruto away from his chest. "Get off of me. I don't like my clothes getting stained by tears."

"Okay," Haruto said with a smile. "Then let's get on to the next question."

"That was too quick!"

Haruto then raced through a couple of pages and looked at the next question. "Were you ever lonely being cooped up in that training temple all alone?" he asked.

"Lonely?" Misael asked. "What the heck is that?"

Haruto let the notebook fall to his side. "You're worse than Kaito," he said. "Did you ever feel sad with nobody around?"

"Of course not," Misael said. "After what happened with my family, there was no way I was going to trust people."

"But you trusted Durbe-san," Haruto said. "And you trusted Jinlong-san."

"That's different!" Misael snapped, raising his voice.

"And you trust Kaito," Haruto added.

"Haruto!" Misael growled, getting off of his chair and staring down at the boy.

Haruto looked up and paled. "Um," went Haruto. "I just remembered. I have to go help Kaito with his motorcycle."

With that, he raced out of the kitchen and out of the house, but not before saying, "Thank you for all the questions, Misael-san!"

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><p>Report on Misael. Awesome Dragon Tamer<p>

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><p>Misael was a kid who lived in the desert, where he met a really cool dragon. (Yes. They actually existed.) His parents left him when he was a child and his dragon, Jinlong, saved him and raised him as his own little dragon boy. He wasn't lonely being raised in a really high mountain, seeing as how he couldn't trust anybody, except those he <strong>could<strong> trust.

He refused to cut his hair because he liked it really long. One time, he actually cut it and none of the dragons recognized him. (They all probably got scared and flew off.) So he preferred to keep it long and fluffy.

One time, during a really nasty flood, he was really badly hurt by a bunch of arrows. You know what they say. You shouldn't play with pointy objects. Well, about a hundred guys broke this rule and hurt him really bad. Then a nasty guy with a bad attitude came up to him and hurt him even more. His dragons became his enemies, his enemies became his friends, and his friends became...well, I dunno. What would you call those you work with every day because you have to? Schoolmates?

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><p>Misael growled as he looked at the copy of the report. "What...is this?" he asked.<p>

Durbe looked over from the kitchen. "Oh, my," he said. "That's a very colorful report."

Misael got up. "Excuse me," he said. "I need to vent."

"Please don't blow up the throne room," Durbe said. "I would prefer that the palace remains intact."

"No promises," Misael growled. Then he vanished.

Meanwhile, Durbe began to whistle a tuneless song. Anything to shield his ears from the explosions that was sure to come from Barian World.

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><p><strong>D.T.B: Enjoyed? Leave a review. :) And guess who the next guy'll be. XD<strong>


	3. Rio

**D.T.B: Okay, have to be honest. I was planning on doing Alit, but me and my sister went into joke mode and I decided, "AH! I've gotta do this first!"**

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><p>Report 3<p>

Rio the Ice Princess

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><p>"You want to what?" Rio asked, her teeth gritted heavily.<p>

Durbe let out a sigh. "Please don't make me repeat myself," he said. "It's humiliating enough."

"**You** want to interview **me** for **Yuma**?" Rio asked, eyebrow raised.

Durbe sweat dropped and sagged his shoulders. "Yes," he said simply. "It was either you or your brother."

"Why didn't' you interview Ryoga?" Rio asked, placing a book in the bookshelf in the library.

"Because I don't want you to suffer his annoying questions," Durbe thought, sweat dropping even more.

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><p>Cue flashback...<p>

"Think you can interview Shark and his sister for me?" Yuma asked, throwing a clipboard to Durbe.

Durbe stammered for a moment, then looked over to Yuma. "First you write a report on me," he said. "Now you want me to **assist** you in these embarrassments?"

"They're for school and I've got to turn 'em in by the end of the week," Yuma said, shrugging. "I can't interview all of you guys **and** duel at the same time! Please!?"

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><p>Flashback over...<p>

Durbe nearly slammed his head against the bookshelf, the gloom over his head weighing ten tons. Why he was so easily susceptible to tears, he'd never know.

Rio, meanwhile, looked over to Durbe's pale face. Then she sighed. "Are the questions ones given to you by Yuma?" she asked.

"No," Durbe responded. "I couldn't swallow my pride enough to speak with him. The questions are from the girls you choose to spend time with."

Rio smiled. "Fine then," she said. "I'll let you interview me."

Durbe looked over to her, relief flushing through his face. "Arigato, Rio," he said.

Oh yes. He was very grateful. She wasn't going to be going through the same trouble he went through.

Or was she?

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><p>Durbe looked at his clipboard, already sensing that something was going to go wrong. He didn't know what, seeing as how the last question was a 'surprise' from the girls. They had made it explicitly clear that he was not to look at it until the rest of the questions were answered. Yeah, not good for his nerves.<p>

Sighing, he began the first question.

"When were you crowned princess of the United Lands?"

Rio smiled. "The same day my brother became king," she responded.

Durbe raised his eyes to face her. That wasn't a very clear answer. But, thinking about it, that was probably a very 'Yuma-ish' way to answer it, hence, very suitable for his report, so Durbe could find no complaints. After all, she probably didn't remember when she became the princess. He didn't.

He looked back down to the paper. "When your brother was king, what was your station of work?"

Rio's grin turned into an all out smirk. "I made sure that he got up in the morning, got his breakfast, actually got **out **of his pajamas and **into** his day clothes," she giggled. "I was practically his babysitter. That guy wouldn't have lasted a day without me."

Durbe caught himself laughing for the first time in years. That was very true. She **was** his babysitter. On one occasion, Rio was sick in bed with a fever and Durbe had gone to visit her. And even now, he could **still** remember King Pajama top coming up to him and welcoming him to the castle.

The scratching of pencil to paper could be heard for a minute or two before Durbe advanced.

"What was your hobby as princess?"

Rio raised an eyebrow. "Why is that important?" she asked.

"I am not going to claim that I understand the female mind," Durbe said, "but I fear that these questions shall only grow stranger by the minute. You might as well answer, so we can **both** get out of this mess."

Rio knew he had a point, but that didn't make answering any easier. "I tended to the flower garden," she said.

"Thank you," Durbe responded, jotting it down on his clipboard.

Then came the more...curious questions. Questions that made Durbe grateful he didn't understand women.

Questions like these.

"Um...," went Durbe. "Did you ever have the want to prank your brother for any reason or another?"

Both Barians raised an eyebrow at that question.

Nevertheless, Rio answered. "Many times," she said with a grin. "Almost got away with it a couple of times." Then she sweat dropped. "Unfortunately, um...you got caught in one once."

Durbe didn't need to be reminded of that incident. He was lucky that all he got was sick in bed for a week. A bucket of water? In the middle of winter? Yeah, that was one of Rio's dumber pranks. And to think, all she got after that was a terrible scolding.

Choosing to ignore that memory altogether, he went back to the clipboard. Not that it was that great an idea.

He nearly slammed his head against the table. He knew the answer to this question.

"As a princess, did you feel your brother was...," he gulped; "overprotective?"

If Rio had soda in her hands – which Durbe was grateful that she did not – she would have spewed it all at him. While she didn't have a drink, she had the next best thing.

A loud scream of "WHAT?!"

That only earned her a "Shush," from the librarian.

"R-Rio," Durbe said, sweat dropping, "why don't you sit down? We're almost done."

Rio flopped back down in her chair and sighed. "Overprotective isn't even cutting it," she said. "I swear, if he was as protective of his kingdom as he was with me, that war never would have happened."

Durbe chuckled awkwardly. "I can agree with that," he said.

He then looked down at the clipboard again. All the questions were asked, save the last one. So he pulled it out of the envelope they'd placed it in and opened it up.

Then his face exploded into a cherry red hue.

"Well, what's the question?" Rio asked.

Durbe then pulled himself out of his chair, resting the question facedown on the table. "E-Excuse me," he said. "I need to get a cup of coffee. Please, excuse me."

Then he practically raced out of the library, leaving Rio in the awkward silence.

With nothing else to do, Rio picked up the question and read it over. Might as well answer it, she figured.

Bad move.

Her hair stood on end, like a cat moments from pouncing on its prey.

The question, written in black and white, was the following:

**"****Do you like Durbe-kun?"**

Her response to that question was immediate. "KOTORI-SAAAAAAN!"

That earned her yet another 'shush' from the librarian.

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><p>Durbe panted heavily as he leaned against a tree outside the school, one hand over his mouth as he tried to fight off the blush. How absolutely embarrassing. It was no wonder they wanted him to remain silent until that point. Honestly!<p>

"Hey, Durbe!" Alit suddenly called out from behind him, sending the White Shield of Barian about seven feet in the air. ←[How interesting.]

"A-A-Alit!" he exclaimed. "Don't do that again!"

"Okay," Alit said, tilting his head to the side. "What's up with you? Your face is about as red as my mask in Barian World."

Durbe covered his face to hide the blush.

"It's nothing," he responded, jerking his head to the side.

"You sure?" Alit asked. "It doesn't look like 'nothing.'"

"Well, it is!" Durbe snapped. "Now please, leave me be. I need a drink."

Then he walked past Alit, making his way to the coffee shops near the school.

"What was that all about?" Gilag asked, chowing down on some ramen.

"I have seen that expression before, my friend," Alit said. "Durbe, our great leader, has been afflicted with the one illness that no human medicine can cure and no Kattobingu spirit can change."

"And that is...?" Gilag drawled.

Alit turned to Gilag. "Lovesickness, my friend," he said. "Lovesickness."

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><p>"Did you get Shark and his sis interviewed for me?" Yuma asked the rather exhausted Durbe later that day.<p>

"You might say that," Durbe responded monotonously. "I interviewed Rio."  
>"Then what about Shark?" Yuma asked. "I asked if he would let me interview him and he said, 'Sure. Right after you find a pig with wings.'"<p>

Durbe sighed. So **that's** why he asked if a petting zoo was coming into Heartland City.

"Don't worry," he said. "I took care of it."

"How?" Yuma asked, tilting his head.

"Let's just say I called in reinforcements," Durbe groaned.

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><p><strong>D.T.B: Yeah. Ryoga's next. THEN Alit. Until then, guess who the 'reinforcements' is and please leave a review. :)<strong>


	4. Ryoga

**D.T.B: [Says nothing. Just flies right past with lots of paperwork blowing out of her hands.]**

**Sirius: [looks on.] Let's just get to the chapter.**

**Kaito: Why is it that I have a script for a scene I'm not appearing in?**

**Lyra: She planned on having you interview Ryoga, but then she changed her mind.**

**Sirius: Yeah. She does that once in a while. It's weird, but it's who she is.**

**Antares: Didn't you just tell us to start the chapter?**

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><p>Report 4<p>

Ryoga the King

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><p>Ryoga tapped his fingers against his desk as he stared his rival down. "You'd better repeat that," he said grouchily.<p>

Quattro grinned almost maniacally as he stared at Ryoga, a clipboard in his hand. "You heard me the first time, Ryoga," he said. "I know you did."

"You want to interview me for a stupid paper that Yuma needs to do on his own?" Ryoga growled.

"Yep," Quattro said, a bigger grin playing on his face.

Ryoga slapped his face. "Did Yuma put you up to this?"

That time, Quattro shook his head. "Nope," he said. "Actually, it was a friend of yours."

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><p><em> "You want me to do what?" Quattro asked over the D-Gazer.<em>

_ Durbe closed his eyes as he leaned against his desk. "Please," he groaned. "Would you do me a favor and interview Ryoga in my stead?"_

_ "Why should I do that?" Quattro asked._

_ Even though his eyes were directed to the coffee in his hand, Durbe could tell that Quattro was grinning on the other end. "Because I...I cannot force myself to repeat that transaction."_

_ "This doesn't have anything to do with that question those girls gave you, is it?" Quattro asked, laughing at Durbe's reddened face._

_ "H-How did you know about that!?" Durbe asked._

_ "I helped the girls write the questions," Quattro answered._

_ Durbe turned away. "You simply **must** be joking,_"_ he thought to himself._

_ "So, if that's the reason you can't bring yourself to interview Ryoga, sure, I'll talk to him," Quattro said._

_ "Thank you, Quattro-san," Durbe breathed._

_ "Don't worry about it. You'll just owe me one."_

_ Then Quattro hung up, leaving Durbe to think over what he just did._

* * *

><p>"So Durbe didn't want to handle this because he was exhausted from interviewing my sister?" Ryoga asked.<p>

"Yep," Quattro replied. "He needed a break, so I came to help out." ←[Omitted the whole, 'Durbe has a crush on Shark's sister' thing] "So," he propped his feet up on the desk; "should we get this over with? The sooner, the better."

Ryoga sighed. "You won't go away unless I do this?" he asked.

Quattro nodded. "Sorry," he said. "Your sis was taken."

Ryoga glared. "She's already been interviewed," Quattro clarified. "You're the only other one left."

That earned Quattro a sigh of relief. "Fine," Ryoga spat. "Let's get this over with."

Quattro grinned. It was only then that Ryoga realized this was a very...stupid...idea.

* * *

><p>"Okay, then," Quattro began. "Question one. What was your biggest issue as a king?"<p>

Ryoga growled. "Do I really have to answer that?" he asked.

Quattro grinned. "Yeah," he said. "Answer it."

The purple-haired Barian sighed. "My biggest issue as a king would have been keeping my sister away from people like you," he said.

"Ouch," went Quattro. "Sounded like that kid actually had a lot more trouble than he could handle."

"What kid?"

"Never mind." Quattro scribbled down his answer and got to the next question. "Okay, question two. In your opinion, was being a king all it was cracked up to be?"

"And why would you want to know?" Ryoga asked grouchily.

"Because that's what your friend put down in the questions list here," Quattro said, showing the questions in question. (Oh, how hilarious.) "See?"

Ryoga absolutely hated it when Quattro was right.

"Anyway," Quattro continued, "gonna answer the question or want me to answer it for you?"

Ryoga's face gave him just the answer he was looking for. "I'm not answering."

"I'll just write 'no comment' then," Quattro said, scribbling the answer onto the clipboard. "Question three." He choked on his laughter when he noticed what Yuma had written down. (Very easy to tell Yuma's writing from Durbe's writing.) "What was the coolest thing about being a leader of a bunch of really awesome lands?"

Ryoga wanted to slap his forehead. What. On. Barian World?!

"How am I supposed to remember?" Ryoga asked. "It's not like being king was all of a sudden the greatest thing in the world."

"Hang on a second," Quattro said. "Let me change the answer to the last question."

"What?"

Quattro remained fairly silent for a moment or two, aside from the occasional humming that escaped him. "There," he finally said. "'Refusal to comment' has been changed to 'No, it was hardly a picnic.'"

"You know where the door is, right, Quattro?" Ryoga asked through gritted teeth.

"Just one more question, Shark," Quattro said with a grin. He leaned forward, ready to ask the fatal question.

"You gonna let Rio actually date that kid sometime?"

Exactly five seconds later, Ryoga slammed the door on Quattro's face.

* * *

><p>Report on the Royal Siblings of United Lands<p>

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><p>The name of the king was Nasch. His little sister, the princess, was Merag. They both ruled over the land called The United Lands of the Poseidon Ocean. Both of them were crowned on the same day. Cool, huh? Usually, they were pretty decent rulers, but when they fought, the sparks would fly like nobody's business. Merag's job was to make sure that Nasch got his jobs done. On one occasion, Merag got sick with a cold and a friend of theirs came over and Nasch was still in his pajamas!<p>

Apparently, Ryoga, eh! I mean, Nasch, was really overprotective of his sister. Apparently, if he was as protective of his kingdom as he was of his sister, the war that followed never would have happened. Merag, according to reporters, didn't like it.

Finally, with Nasch, being king wasn't all it was cracked up to be. And with Merag, she had a 'crush' on someone. Whatever that was.

* * *

><p>Ryoga and Rio looked at the report, their faces scarlet for one reason or another. "Yuma," Ryoga growled. "Quattro..."<p>

"Kotori-san," Rio whispered angrily. "Why did you give that question?"

Yuma, meanwhile, was busy jumping for joy in the air. "Alright! Three reports left." He then looked down the hall. "Hey, Alit! I need to see you for a report!"

* * *

><p><strong>D.T.B: Yay! Now we're up to Alit. Let's see what Yuma's got ready. And review. Definitely review.<strong>

**In the meantime, seeing as how SOPA is coming back, head on over to RaisingHeartExelion's profile. She's got a petition up to stop this thing and send it packing. Or you can just scream STOP SOPA and see if that helps us. Let's make it to the 20th, people!**


	5. Alit

Report 5

Alit the Gladiator

* * *

><p>Alit's grin went from one ear to the next. "You want to interview me?" he asked. "For real?"<p>

Yuma's eyes were the size of saucers. "Yeah, yeah," he said. "Can I? It's important."

Alit didn't need to answer him to give the answer. Sitting down and gesturing to the chair beside him, he said, "Sit down, Yuma. Let's get this done and earn you your A."

"You bet!"

Yuma quickly threw his reporter's cap on his head and opened up his notepad. Then he licked the end of his pencil and placed it against the paper. "Alright, questions are go," he said.

Alit pumped his fists. "And so am I," he said.

**"Let's interview!"** [Duel mode.]

* * *

><p>"Question 1," Yuma said. "What made you want to be a gladiator?"<p>

"The kids," Alit said simply.

"Really?"

"Yeah. They all needed a hero and I decided to step up for them." Alit sighed dreamily and stared out the window. "Their little cheers kept me going and I helped keep them going by beating gladiators and dueling with my burning soul."

"Awesome," Yuma exclaimed, writing it down on his notepad. "Question 2. When it came to gladiator-ing, did you have any preferences?"

Alit paused, his arms folded across his chest as he tried to remember. Then, suddenly, a lightbulb flashed over his head. "Yes!" he exclaimed. "The kids always had to have front row seats. Otherwise, I couldn't hear them, and then I couldn't win. I needed to know they were cheering so I could lift up the big guys."

"That is so cool!" Yuma said, a little louder than last time.

Then he proceeded to scribble it down on his notepad.

"Uh huh," went Yuma. "Uh huh. And now Question 3. 'What was your win/loss count?'"

Alit answered immediately. "Over 2000 wins, only 1 loss."

"Oh, really?" Yuma asked with a grin. "That is so cool. What was that one loss?"

"Against the prince of my land," Alit replied, his eyes sparkling with happiness. "He was the strongest man I'd ever faced. But he wasn't a stuffed shirt, like everybody else would have been in his rank. He was a really cool guy who loved to play with the kiddies. The kids loved him so much, I almost considered him my rival. But after he mopped the floor with me, I decided that the two of us would be friends. That way, our fights would only get more interesting from that point on."

Yuma's eyes were the size of red saucers. His fingers were loosening up on his pencil, something he fixed as quickly as he noticed it.

"Right," he said, scribbling the notes down with such speed, smoke was rising from the paper. (Totally humorous. Not combustion.) "Next question: If you could have had one superpower when you were a Gladiator, what would you have wanted?"

Alit jumped out of his chair, his eyes like stars. "Yuma!" he exclaimed. "You just asked me the very same question I asked myself when I was a human." He raced away from the table, a trail of dust following behind him. Exactly five seconds later, he returned, wearing...

….A Superman costume.

"Invulnerability, my friend!" he declared. "With it by my side, the safety of those little dreams would have been assured. I would have been the Atlas for the dreams of those innocent children." ←[Invulnerability has nothing to do with being Atlas, Alit.]

Yuma paused. A 'huh' escaped his throat. "I figured you'd have wanted super strength."

Alit then threw the Superman costume away and sat back down. "Oh, no, the kids were my super strength," he said nonchalantly. "I could escape anything so long as they were cheering me on."

Nobody had the heart to say that his logic was rather flawed.

Yuma then looked down to his page again. "Okay, final question," he said. "The most important question of them all."

Alit tensed up.

Yuma gave the most serious expression he'd ever given.

The air itself smothered those around them.

Then Yuma brightened up again. "Did you duel? With, like, real live Duel Monsters?"

"Oh yeah!" Alit exclaimed with a grin.

"Really!? What were they like!?"

"Oh, they were **awesome!** They were absolutely amazing creatures. No hologram could catch their magnificence. I mean it! I got to box with my monsters, I met a Pegasus!" ←[Pegasus? Do we have to guess?]

Their conversation about the duel monster spirits continued for another two hours or so. During which, the only thing Durbe, who had been attempting to read nearby, could think was, "Please be silent. I'm trying to read!"

* * *

><p>Report on Alit. Incredibly awesome gladiator.<p>

* * *

><p>Alit was a gladiator who wished to become one solely for the kids. He wanted to become a hero for the kiddies to look up to. So he became a gladiator who's super strength was granted to him by the cries of those he fought for.<p>

When it came to 'gladiator-ing' he had one preference. The kids always had to have front row seats. Otherwise, he couldn't hear them. That meant he couldn't get up to speed and win the fight. Really bad.

His win/loss count was over 2000 wins and only one loss, that one loss being to his best friend in the whole wide world. The prince of his kingdom himself. Unlike the other guys, who were all just a bunch of stuffed shirts, the prince was a really cool guy who was nice to the kids. So after mopping the floor with Alit, he and the prince became good friends.

When he wasn't fighting like a gladiator, he was dueling like a kid. He loved duel monsters, and even boxed with one of his own monsters once to prepare for a match. He even saw the legendary Pegasus!

Apparently, if he had one superpower in the whole wide world, it would have been invulnerability, because the kids were his strength.

* * *

><p>Yuma and Alit jumped into the air after they finished reading the report. "This is great!" Yuma exclaimed.<p>

"You're sure to get an A for this, Yuma," Alit said with a grin.

"I **know** I'll get an A with this," Yuma retorted. "Thanks a bunch, Alit."

The two friends then continued to laugh while the Kamishiro twins and Durbe were eating lunch.

"So what do you think?" Ryoga asked. "Pretend we've never seen him before?"

"Agreed," the other two responded.

* * *

><p><strong>D.T.B: I've gotta get my game on, forgive my Jaden. This was a short chapter.<strong>

**Sirius: Next guy is...[looks at name on slip. Then looks up to D.T.B] You're kidding.**

**D.T.B: Anything but. Alright, you guys, guess the winning guy. There's only two left, so it's a fifty-fifty chance. :) In the meantime, however, review, and I'll try to remember to update this week.**


	6. Vector

**D.T.B: You guys figured it out too quickly! **

**Sirius: It's your own fault for giving them so many hints.**

**D.T.B: Blast. Aw, well. Sirius! Disclaimer!**

**Sirius: Why do I have to do it?**

**D.T.B: Because you're the reason they figured it out! Disclaimer!**

**Sirius: [nonchalantly.] She doesn't own Zexal.**

**D.T.B: Beware...Vector might be a little OOC.**

* * *

><p>Report 6<p>

Vector

* * *

><p>Yuma gave the door to Vector's apartment a quick knock. Then he stepped back, rocking on the heels of his feet as he waited for that familiar orange-haired goof to open the door.<p>

The door opened a crack. "Yes?" a voice asked on the inside of the apartment.

A relatively exhausted voice.

"Hey, Vector!" Yuma said enthusiastically. "Wanna have an interview?"

"For what?" Vector asked, allowing his head to be seen through the door.

He was dead tired, something even Yuma was able to notice.

Bending forward, Yuma asked, "Were you up all night, knocking over Litterbots again?"

"And if I was?" Vector yawned. "Look, I'm tired, I'm trying to enjoy my afternoon nap, and you are interrupting me."

"Aw," Yuma whined. "Just one interview. It's only a few questions."

"Not today, Yuma," Vector sighed, shutting the door on the boy's face.

Yuma froze for a minute or two, but eventually took another route.

"Kattobingu da, ORE!" he exclaimed, making his way down the stairs and towards a tree.

A tree that just happened to be growing just outside of Vector's bedroom window. (How convenient.)

A devious chuckle escaped Yuma as he prepared himself. "Kattobingu da," he exclaimed, jumping off the tree; "ORE-"

Note to Yuma: Never jump towards a window when it's closed. You'll find that you end up sticking to it like fully cooked spaghetti.

All that followed was Yuma falling to the ground, crashing into the bushes below.

By that time, Vector opened his window. "You okay, Yuma-kun?" he yawned.

* * *

><p>Second Attempt<p>

* * *

><p>Yuma walked up to the door of Vector's apartment, a toolbox in hand, a false mustache plastered onto his face. After knocking on Vector's door, he adjusted his glasses and stepped back.<p>

Then he waited for the door to open.

When it did, a big grin crossed his face.

"What is it?" Vector asked, rubbing his face of sleepiness.

"Excuse me, Mr. Shingetsu," Yuma said, his voice as low as his throat would allow. "I'm the new plumber and I've come to check your sink and make sure all the doohickies are still working right."

A grin appeared on Vector's face. "I see," he said. "Give me a moment."

With that, he closed the door. All Yuma was able to hear was Vector's footsteps fleeing then returning mere moments later. Then the door opened back up...

And Yuma was hit face-first with a stream of water.

"So?" went Vector with a chuckle. "Are they working okay, Yuma-kun?"

"Perfectly," Yuma replied. "I'll be seeing you later."

Then he walked downstairs, being very careful with his footing, as his mustache was stuck against his eyelids.

* * *

><p>Third Attempt<p>

* * *

><p>Another knock on the door.<p>

And again, Vector answered.

That time around, Yuma was dressed like a TV repairman.

"Hi," Yuma said, raising his hand into the air. "I've come to check on your cable."

"I don't have cable," Vector said simply.

"Then I've come to check on your Playstation."

"Don't have that either."

"Then I've come to check on your TV!"

"I don't have anything that you humans would consider 'entertaining,' Yuma," Vector sighed.

"Do you have anything that needs repairs?" Yuma whined.

"Well, I've got a toaster that's blackening my bread."

"Good! I've come to repair that!"

Then he quickly raced into the room before Vector had a chance to slam the door on his face again.

In no time at all, he was in the kitchen. True to what Vector said, the toaster was a mess. "Okay," he said enthusiastically. "This doesn't look too bad. I'll just tweak the thingamabob with the doohickies and-"

The whole thing then just exploded in his face.

Vector plugged the toaster back in.

* * *

><p>(The next morning.)<p>

"I'm sorry! I couldn't get the interview so my report couldn't get done!"

* * *

><p>Yuma fell against his desk at school that morning, his tears warping the wood.<p>

All eyes looked towards him.

"Oh, Yuma," Kotori breathed.

"Should we go kidnap Vector and try to interview him ourselves?" Alit asked.

"No," Kotori sighed. "He'll get over it."

* * *

><p><strong>D.T.B: I'm evil.<strong>

**Vector: But not as evil as me. Muahahahahahaha!**

**Sirius: Spare me.**

**Antares: You guys know who's next. Pllleeaaaaaasse review! **

**Sirius: I'm surrounded by LUNATICS!**


	7. Gilag and Finale

Report 7

Gilag the Samurai

* * *

><p>Report Day.<p>

Most of the students – Takeshi included – were shaking with the fear that they might have flunked out big time.

Now, students like Yuma, on the other hand?

Honestly, you'd never once seen the kid so excited when it came to school. Nor did you ever see him move as quickly when it came to homework. The only evidence anybody had that he actually did the work was the seven pieces of paper that he had in his hands.

Seven pieces of paper that were constantly flying **out** of his hands.

Seven pieces of paper that he was constantly catching and replacing.

The Barian Emperors could only slap their heads when they noticed the papers.

"Oh, dear," Durbe moaned. "It's today."

"If the teachers laugh at me because of those reports, I'm going after Yuma," Misael growled.

"So would I," Ryoga snarled.

Durbe and Rio let out terrible sighs. "Spare us," they thought.

"I'll bet Yuma's gonna get an A+ for those reports," Alit said, pumping his fist excitedly. "After all, he interviewed us to get the information."

The response was monotonous.

"Don't remind us."

Then Misael raced his hand through his hair irritatedly. "That reminds me," he said, "did he interview Gilag?"

"Yeah," Alit said. "He told us that he was the very first guy he interviewed."

"I thought I was the first person he interviewed," Durbe sighed.

"Apparently not."

Durbe nearly slapped his head in frustration. Nothing Yuma did made much sense.

"Well, classes are starting in a few minutes," Alit reported. "See you guys later. Good luck on your own reports."

That earned wide-eyed expressions from every single Barian Emperor.

Yep. You got it. They completely forgot about their own homework.

* * *

><p>"Mo," Rio whined, banging her head against the table at lunch that day. "I can't believe this. I haven't been chewed out by the principal like that before."<p>

"I don't see why he had to give me detention," Misael growled, squeezing the soda in his hand so as to vent his rage. "So I called him a 'pathetic human.' That didn't give him the right to do that!"

"Unfortunately, Misael, that gave him every right," Durbe said, walking into the cafeteria with Ryoga in tow. It was also important to note that his glasses were in one hand while the other was covering his eye. "You were disrespecting your teachers."

"That makes no sense!" Misael snapped. "I did the same thing with my Dragon Tamer teacher and I never got detention for that."

"Times have changed," Durbe sighed. "It would be wise to remember that. It would also be important to remember that teachers here, who teach normal things such as history, literature and the like, and more unique teachers, such as the one who raised you."

"I guess I'll be a trouble student then," Misael said, turning away.

"It's a 'problem student,' Misael. Don't make me become your tutor."

"No, thanks."

"So, Durbe, Ryoga," Rio said, dropping the subject altogether, "what did you two get?"

The question weakened Durbe considerably, evident by him falling to the table in a heap. "I have never felt so humiliated," he said.

"Huh?" went Rio.

"He did do a report," Ryoga reported. "Unfortunately, he didn't finish it and it was sloppy."

"On top of that," Misael continued, "he forgot to write his name, so the teacher read it aloud. He became the laughingstock of our class in under twenty seconds."

"Then why did he go to the principal!?" Rio exclaimed.

Ryoga gave Durbe the worst glare in Overprotective Brother history. That prompted the already embarrassed Barian to blush bright red.

(In case you couldn't figure it out, his report was titled, "The Princess of the Poseidon Ocean.")

That also prompted Rio to look at her brother. "You didn't," she said.

"I did," Ryoga replied.

"Did what?" Misael sighed.

Rio then got out of her seat and took Durbe's hand. "Let me see your face," she said.

Durbe did.

Pause...

"RYOGA!"

"What?"

"Did you really have to give him a black eye?!"

"Yes. It was faster than dueling him."

"RYOGA!"

Durbe simply turned away. As if he wasn't embarrassed enough.

* * *

><p>The results for the reports that actually made it to the teachers were posted later that week.<p>

"Oh," Kotori whined, "I don't want to know what I got."

"In the end, it's a rather nerve-wracking experience," Takeshi said.

"Let's see what I got!" Yuma exclaimed, racing towards the grade sheet spread out for all to see. "I can't wait!"

His allies proceeded to sweat drop.

"Has anybody ever seen Yuma this happy about school before?" Kotori asked.

"Maybe it's got something to do with the fact that he interviewed his friends for it," Tetsuo said.

"Well, let's go see what we got," Kotori said. "We'll all celebrate with him."

So they went to the board and looked at the scores.

Then their jaws all dropped.

Yuma scored an 89 – the highest in the class – with the teachers claiming that the way he worded his papers were, "Like he went straight to the source," even having a copy of one of them out for the students to see.

* * *

><p>Gilag. Tanuki-loving Samurai<p>

* * *

><p>Q1. What gave you [Gilag] the inspiration to name your pet 'Ponta?'<p>

A1. I didn't name him that. He told me that it was his name.

Q2. Did you [Gilag] think that your outfits were cool?

A2. You better believe I did. They were the power of the samurai.

Q3. Did you [Gilag] ever wish you were a tanuki?

A3. Yes. More than you would ever know.

Q4. What was your [Gilag] favorite pastime?

A4. Playing with Ponta and working on my dueling skills. You might not know it, but I was one of the best in the world.

Q5. Did you [Gilag] have any favorite meals and/or drinks?

A5. Uh huh. I loved rice and chips. My favorite drink was a glass of warm milk. Everything a growing boy needs.

* * *

><p>All jaws fell when they noticed the report. Meanwhile, the Barians turned away. "Oh, Yuma," Durbe sighed.<p>

"Yatta!" Yuma exclaimed. "I did it!"

"Wow," Kotori breathed.

"In the end, we underestimated Yuma's reporter skills," Takeshi said.

"That's right!" Yuma said happily. "Hey. Maybe I could moonlight as a reporter when I become the World Duel Champion."

With that, the Barians walked away, all the while thinking, "If he's serious about that, then his future victims should beware."

* * *

><p><strong>D.T.B: And that's how Reports reached its end. Man. It is so hilarious. When I first thought of this story, I told myself I would update every day, so every Barian would get a day of the week. [looks at the publishing date.] Heh. Amazing how some ideas run out on you, huh? XD Well, leave a review and I'll see you later.<strong>

**Oh. One more thing. SIGN THE PETITION AT BARIANHUNTERALPHA"S PROFILE! We're running out of time here!**


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